the actual pingpong of the abyss

Cat in my lap

Quiet enough to hear

All the sounds I miss

When I do, but I am not.

Now, still, through this

Narrow lens

I am thinking of you and

At once, expand.

words that spark
convulsions of
convoluted images
freight trains
of thought.
How fraught
with hope
and despair
those words
are for some
for so many
who unlike
the most of
us cannot walk
are bound by
gravity to
physical stasis
or mechanical
mobility only.

I can walk
and like the
rest of us
mostly I have
been capable
of saying that
for longer than
I could speak it
sixty two some
years in my case.
Capable bodied
our minds take
so much for
granted so
much for
rock solid
granite.
But time
and the
elements
wear us all
down bring us
all down to
the eternal
common
denominator
by which
we are all
ultimately
conquered
and divided
into the
unity we
so often
too too often
cannot sooner
recognize.
It was always
there for us
in the mirrors
of our eyes
too too
often blind
to all the
other eyes
paired
infinitudes
of sentient
reflection of
our being.
Too too
rarely
seeing
our being
one and
oneness.
Unable
to see
unable
to truly
walk
yet.

these words
temporary rearrangements
of physical matter to
facilitate and reflect
the temporal flow of
mental matter what
one might wonder
does it even matter?
Indeed if one
thinks in cause
and effect mechanical
means one seeks
to find meaning or
not in quids and
quos in zero sums.
Slice and dice
divide and conquer
the modus operandi
of our prosaic
habitude.
That is what is
visible to our
sensory organs
so that is as far
as we often are
willing to try to see.
But seeing is not
constrained by
optics not if one is
willing to try to see
past apparent patterns
of cause and effect
to the holistic
force field of
karmic potential.
It is there that
matter’s antimatter
rearranges itself
into new effusions of
material appearance.

A poem
could
reverberate
in sympathetic
mental harmonics
disappear
and then
reemerge
sometime later
as an otherwise
unlikely
sprouting idea
or even a
newborn
behavior.

that we might commit
suicide—negligent or
otherwise—and take
the rest of the
neighborhood down
with us already?
Is it really
a cosmic crime?
Yeah sure it’s
a crime by any
of our own
value systems
that purport to
matter but
really in the
larger scheme
of things with
the Earth just an
infinitesimally
small mote in an
infinitely expansive
starry simoom
what does it
really matter if
the strange attractions
of one particular
particle change
their colors to
those of an
arch-rival charm
school? To live
and die by
colors who’d
be so petty so
silly so careless
so stereotypical?
Because after all
those of us who
really know or
at least believe
we know—even
if we know we
only believe we
know—know
that all is one
anyway right?
And if it’s all
one in the larger
scheme of things
then it is what it is
that’s all she wrote
fuggeddaboutit.
Don’t worry be happy.
But then here’s the
conundrum. If all
is oneness what is
an avatar? What
is that apparent
opening to a
higher dimension
that appears among
the denizens of
lesser levels of
consciousness
we the unwashed
who can only
think and conceive
in binary terms
of worthiness?

I have a theory.
At least it might
look like a theory
to anyone not
me for whom
it is actually my
Kosmosanschauung
my way of experiencing
being.
I call it the fractiverse
and it is particularly one.

To explain it
I need to draw
a mental picture.

1. Imagine a glass sphere
   of say twelve inches
   in diameter. Now
   imagine a four inch
   long glass tube
   bent into the
   shape of a U.
2. Embed this
   tube into the
   interior surface
   of the sphere
   so the U-tube’s
   openings each
   open to and
   fuse with the
   exterior surface
   of the sphere.
3. Connect an inverted
   U-tube to the outside
   of the sphere so that
   one end opens to the
   interior surface of
   the sphere and the
   other end connects
   to one end of
   the first U-tube.
4. What we have
   now is a structure
   that I call an
   S-tube made up
   of two U-tubes
   connecting together
   at the surface of the
   sphere and each
   opening to the
   opposite side of
   the sphere from
   the other.
5. For the sake
   of conceptual
   clarity let’s have
   each end of
   the S-tube open
   to it’s surface of
   the sphere in a
   trumpet-bell-shaped
   curving funnel so
   that each surface
   of the sphere—the
   exterior and the
   interior—connects
   to the interior of
   the S-tube in
   a smooth and
   seamless transition.
6. Notice now
   that an adventurous
   ant can take a
   stroll on the exterior
   surface of the sphere
   and ease down into
   the S-tube opening
   and traverse it
   end to end
   until the S-tube
   opens gracefully
   into and onto the
   interior surface
   of the sphere.
   (Notice also that
   the ant has
   travelled from the
   outside of the
   sphere to its
   inside while
   staying always
   on the self same
   surface.
   A topologist—those
   mathematicians
   who cannot tell the
   difference between
   a coffee cup and
   a donut—will
   recognize in a
   Cupertino nanosecond
   that the glass globe
   with the embedded
   U-tube is actually a
   Klein Bottle.)
7. Now imagine
   that the exterior
   opening of the S-tube
   is like a whirlpool
   and the surface of
   the sphere is being
   sucked downward
   into the S-tube
   and flowing outward
   onto the interior
   surface of the sphere.
8. Imagine a second
   S-tube with a flow
   from the interior to
   the exterior to balance
   out the influx from
   the first S-tube.
9. Our glass globe
   now has a flow from
   its exterior surface
   down into the first
   S-tube out onto its
   interior surface then
   up into the second
   S-tube and out
   again onto its
   exterior surface
   where it began.
   We have now
   what is known as
   a closed system.
10. Imagine
    now hundreds
    thousands trillions
    septillions
    an infinite
    number of
    S-tube pairs
    in the surface
    of our globe.
    (Let’s let it
    be infinitely
    larger than
    twelve inches
    in diameter
    to facilitate
    this image.)
11. Now let
    us imagine an
    infinite profusion
    of smaller S-tubes
    embedded in the
    surface of our
    existing S-tubes.
12. And again let
    us consider more
    S-tubes embedded
    in S-tubes and continue
    the progression
    ad infinitum.
13. Now let us
    define the inward
    flowing S-tubes
    as black holes
    and the outward
    flowing S-tubes
    as stars.
    For the sake of
    familiarity we
    can call the larger
    collections of S-tubes
    within S-tubes
    galaxies and nebulae.
14. The medium sized
    collections of S-tubes
    we can call recognizable
    matter for example
    mountain ranges
    butterflies test
    tubes redwood trees
    and polycarbonate
    refuse.
15. The smaller sized
    collections of S-tubes
    we can call atoms
    and subatomic
    particles.
16. Needless to say
    larger medium
    and smaller are
    only characteristics
    of an infinite
    spectrum of scale
    of S-tubes within
    S-tubes.
17. If we take this
    fractiverse as our
    Kosmosanschauung
    we can see there is
    a complete balance
    of expansion—the
    outflow from
    S-tubes—with
    contraction—the
    inflow into S-tubes.
    Thus we see that
    the conventional view
    of a big bang and an
    expanding universe
    is merely a parochial
    perspective in an
    infinitesimally limited
    sub-section of the
    entire fabric of
    the fractiverse.
18. With the model
    this cosmogeny offers
    we see that the unified
    integrity of the
    fractiverse comprises
    an enduring state of
    primordial oneness and
    at the same time a
    profoundly infinite
    profusion of
    particularity.
19. Everything we
    see in our limited
    scope of scale-constrained
    perceptivity is at once
    the apparent material
    of the effusion of outward
    flowing S-tubes coupled
    with its invisible inward
    flowing anti-material
    counterbalance.

So is there a
cosmic code of
ethics? I think
it is rational to
consider that if
there are ethics
at any scale of
the fractiverse
they will be
reflected at
all scales so
yes there is a
cosmic code of ethics
and yes it matters
if we commit
suicide—negligently
or otherwise.

this is maybe
it may be
a place for
words a place
for the making
of a possible
difference if
even only
a tiny beginning.

Of course
what may be
already is in
the certainty
of our imaginal
forge in the elfin
forest of our
invisible
and maybe
soundless trees.

If the palm
oil plantation
master’s bulldozer and
or incendiary device
fells a forest
and smolders a
peat bog do
we hear it as
we mirror our
makeup as we
feed our KFC?

That is
if a tree
and its denizens
are murdered
in the forest in
this or another
hemisphere
do we hear
their screams?
Do we hear
our screams?

Could be
this is a place
where our
outrage can
congeal in
syllables of
possible significance
maybe to make
a difference even
if only a tiny
beginning.

Where are we
going? Where am I?
Where are you?

On this early morning

I see you, rabbit, sitting

in the damp grass.

You freeze, pretending

I am not there.

But I cannot pretend.

I see you

and know you live off

the safety of my garden.

Our garden.

this day today.        
Green is
the color
of the
jewel delight
the gardens
the flowers
profuse with
additional hues.
Cries in the
night our
ears may
want to harken
not to what
is not
pleasant
what hurts
our eyes’ imaginings
our deepest fears
and trepidations
wedding the primordial
oneness reflexively
eternally
today.

Greens in bunches

The scent of earth

and lavender

in my canvas tote

Sunday morning

walking home from

the Farmers’ Market.